How to be discreet about "extras"?

Ok, so me and my buddy went to an AMP thinking good things. It was my first time and his first time there. Anyways, no extras. I thought maybe it was my fault that I didn't ask but I didn't know how to ask. After finding this site and writing my review on my one experience and gaining access to the VIP section I realized it was a legit place! So now i'm looking for a HJ only place but still dont' want to spend that much money. Found a few decent places on here already that I might check out. I've been reading that you might have to return a few times to get the extras if they suspect you might be there to bust them or something. So how do I go about making sure they don't suspect me and how do I ask for "extras" if they don't offer???

Thanks